hello hello

its been along while since my fingers have touched these keys, too long, so here i am back again! the past few months like the ones before have been filled with ups and downs. at the moment i have been struggling so much with my faith and i decided to talk to dave (my boyfriend who is not a christian) about this, and i think i got more from him than talkin to super holy people! he was just open and honest and didnt try to make things sound complicated and i think thanks to him that i will be staying at church as i was seriously thinkin about jacking it all in, its not that i dnt believe it, i do, i just don't really want to, it seems to make my life feel more complicated, i feel let down by god and without thinkin about it all it just makes life crap which doesn't feel half as bad as being let down and hurt by your 'father'.

anywhos my ups have been great and i am now thinkin of looking for a new job, as there are only a few things in life that you have control of and this is one of them so i shall try turn the things in my life round that i dont like and then hopefully when the uncontrollable things hit i wont have a deep hole to fall into just a safty net!

ta ta for now one and all!